Why Self-Awareness Isn’t Optional for Extraordinary Leaders
I’ll never forget the moment I realized I was the one getting in my own way.
It was a regular weekday. I was facilitating a leadership session for a team that had been struggling with low morale and quiet tension. They had all the tools—the strategy, the structure, even a good dose of talent. But something was off. Halfway through a conversation, one leader—arms crossed, voice low—said, “We’ve tried all of this before. Nothing changes.”
I paused. Not because I didn’t have an answer, but because something in me knew: this wasn’t about the tools. It was about trust. And trust starts with truth. I asked the group, “When was the last time each of you looked in the mirror and asked yourself what you might be contributing to the problem?” Hard question, hard to answer but crucial to reflect upon. This question is my go to when I want to attack, blame or say something hurtful out of frustration.
No-one answered right away. But later, one leader told me that question shifted everything. That’s the power of self-awareness. It isn’t fluffy or trendy. It’s transformational. We often think leadership starts with vision boards, KPIs, or strategic plans. But the real work? It starts inside.
Before we can lead others, we have to be brave enough to lead ourselves.
Why Self-Awareness Isn’t Optional for Extraordinary Leaders
Only 10–15% of people are actually self-aware, though 95% think they are (Harvard Business Review).
Self-aware leaders are consistently rated as more effective by their teams. And get this—teams with self-aware leaders make decisions faster and perform better. Why? Because when a leader is honest with themselves, it creates psychological safety for others to do the same.
What It Looks Like in Real Life
Self-awareness doesn’t mean navel-gazing. It means slowing down long enough to ask: “How did I show up today—and did it match who I want to be?”
Here’s how I’ve seen it play out in real-time:
A senior executive, known for dominating meetings, learns to pause and make space—and suddenly, their team’s creativity skyrockets.
A supervisor recognizes that her unresolved personal grief is bleeding into decision-making—and chooses healing over deflection.
A middle manager who always avoids conflict learns to speak directly—and transforms team trust in weeks, not years.
It’s not magic. It’s just courageous honesty.
Five Small Shifts That Spark Big Change
If you’re ready to lead from within, here are five places to begin:
Notice Your Triggers. Instead of reacting, get curious. Ask, “What is this really about?”
Welcome Feedback (Even When It Stings). Feedback isn’t a failure—it’s a flashlight.
Live Your Values. List your top three values. Are your choices aligning with them?
Slow Down to Lead Better. Rushing robs us of reflection. Even a 60-second pause can shift your response.
Face the Conversations You Avoid. Avoidance breeds disconnection. Start with one brave conversation.
A Lesson from the Frontlines of Change
In my work—I’ve learned this: Extraordinary change starts when people feel safe enough to be real. And realness starts at the top. If employees don’t see their leadership team doing the real work they will not think it is important. Leaders who know themselves build cultures where others feel seen, heard, and valued. It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.
A Final Reflection: Start With You
Some of the most powerful leadership moments I’ve witnessed didn’t come from flashy speeches or complex frameworks. They came from quiet moments of truth:
A leader saying, “I’m sorry, I missed the mark.”
A manager asking, “What do you need from me?”
A team member admitting, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know—but I want to learn.”
That’s self-awareness. That’s leadership. And that’s how real change takes root.
Want to build self-aware, human-centered leadership in your workplace?
Book your team for one of our Leadership Workshops or invite Denise Young in to share with your team one of her transformative leadership keynotes: Lead From Within: Daily Self Awareness for Extraordinary Change.